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3 steps that will help you take back control of your life immediately

by trpliquidation
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How to build self worth

“It’s never enough.”

I hear this phrase more and more often from my clients these days. They are successful, driven people. They have had a clear path in life, in which they have dedicated themselves to their career, their business or a sport.

Each and every one of them achieves goal after goal, achieving ever higher levels of performance.

Yet it seems like it is never enough; they feel the need to go further, to reach higher. They start comparing themselves not to their peers, but to those further along in their careers. They always look up the ladder and never appreciate how much they have accomplished.

All this puts them in an uncomfortable position: they can never enjoy their success. Taking time away from their career or business becomes a terrifying prospect as they fear they will fall behind.

They find it difficult to go on holiday because they are always on their phone and checking email when they should be enjoying the beach. Their health suffers, their relationships suffer. It seems like chasing goal after goal is all that matters in life.

The Batman Syndrome

What I have discovered in almost all cases is that they all have a ‘Batman Origin Story’, an unbearable situation growing up, whether you live in a chaotic household, have no financial or other resources, or are simply different and never can connect.

At some point they developed a talent that gave them a way out, sports perhaps, or entrepreneurship, or a skill that gave them a good career. They got themselves out of a dire situation and have been running from it ever since.

Billionaire entrepreneur Andrew Wilkinson wrote about this dynamic in his recent book “Never Enough.” Andrew grew up in a relatively poor family, where money was a constant source of stress and conflict.

He reasoned that if he could make enough money, it would solve all those problems. He worked his way up from barista making $6 an hour to billionaire, but the stress and anxiety he felt never went away.

In fact, he saw the same problems among his colleagues who made tens to hundreds of millions of dollars a year.

Alex Hormozi, another successful entrepreneur whose portfolio of companies generates more than $500 million a year in revenue, often talks about building a pile of “undeniable evidence” that you are who you say you are. Somehow that pile is still never big enough.

It’s about measuring

Why does this happen? The key to finding ‘enough’ is recognizing that the root of the problem is a matter of self-worth and deservingness.

To counteract the feeling that we are not good enough – to prove to ourselves that we deserve things, that we are valued – we find something we are good at and work on sharpening our skills. We set goals to measure our progress and work hard to achieve them.

Unfortunately, that feeling never goes away. No success seems enough. We keep moving the goalposts, but if the goal keeps moving, it’s impossible to ever reach the end. There’s no way to win that game.

We must find another way to meet the demands, to be meritorious, without depending on external measures. Here’s how.

  1. Recognize that your past environment is not a reflection of you. If we can’t get what we need when we grow up, it’s not about what we deserve. It’s about what was available in our environment, whether that’s love and support, money or something else entirely. We depend on our parents to provide those things, and often they just aren’t equipped to do so. Nothing we could have done would have changed that. It’s not about us.
  2. It is up to us to decide what we are worth and what we deserve. Who chooses the goals we pursue? Who chose how we want to measure our success? Who decides which opinions about us we pay attention to? The answer is: we decide. Even if we allow others to judge us and our worth, the decision is still ours. Others cannot decide what we deserve, only what they will give us.
  3. Contrary to popular belief, self-esteem and self-esteem do not come from performance. Stop measuring your worth by past circumstances and beliefs and make the choice to live your life based on who you really are, and not a victim of your past.

Psychology talks about having an internal or external locus of control. By pursuing goals and external measures of worth, we place control of our lives outside of ourselves.

By taking that power back into our hands, by making our worth and merit a choice we make, we take back control of our lives.

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