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If you’re stuck in those endless Monday meetings or in constant conflict with that printer who seems to have a personal vendetta against you this week, this might help.
In today’s post I’d like to share 75 short, funny work quotes.
Funny ones that can help you release some of the built-up inner pressure before sending a strongly worded email that you’ll regret for the rest of the week. Inspirational and funny sayings that will shift your perspective to a lighter and more positive outlook.
And a few handfuls that can help make your workplace a little more fun when you share them with your favorite colleague.
I hope you’ll find something here that makes you laugh and brightens your day.
Short funny work quotes
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather choose the lock.”
–Claude McDonald
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither do baths. That’s why we recommend it every day.”
– Zig Ziglar
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine not having one.”
–Oscar Wilde
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Quiet now! They are about to announce the lottery numbers.”
– Homer Simpson
“There is no secret to success. Have you ever known a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?
–Kin Hubbard
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re done.”
– Groucho Marx
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit.”
– George Carlin
“I always wanted to be someone, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
– Lily Tomlin
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”
– Bill Gates
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
– Groucho Marx
“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”
– Tim Notke
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!”
– Anonymously
“Colleagues are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half don’t work and the other half aren’t that smart.”
– Anonymously
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not and never will reach its full potential, that word would be ‘encounters’.”
– Dave Barry
Inspirational short funny work quotes
“People who never do more than they get paid for, never get paid more than they do.”
– Elbert Hubbard
“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it’s not open.”
– Frank Zappa
“Where people are not having fun, they rarely do good work.”
–David Ogilvy
“The only thing that ever brought success was a hen.”
– Sara Brown
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”
–Scott Adams
“All you need in this life is ignorance and trust; then success is certain.”
– Mark Twain
“Many people stop looking for work once they find a job.”
– Zig Ziglar
“As I got older and wiser, I discovered that there were six things I really liked about my job. Payday, lunch time, stop time, vacation time, vacation days and of course retirement.
—Tom Goins
“Stay away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great ones give you the feeling that you too can be great.”
– Mark Twain
“Education costs money. But so does ignorance.”
– Mr Claus Moser
“It takes less time to do something right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.”
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“You can’t have a million-dollar dream with an ethical minimum wage.”
– Zig Ziglar
“I used to work at McDonald’s and earn minimum wage. Do you know what that means? Do you know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, “Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.”
–Chris Rock
“No one goes before their time – unless the boss leaves early.”
– Groucho Marx
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.”
–Peter Drucker
“Many fellows today have a BA, MD or Ph.D. Unfortunately they don’t have a job”
— Fat Domino
“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
– Wil Rogers
“A baseball game is twice as fun if you see it on company time.”
– William C. Feather
“The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.”
– Vince Lombardi
“An expert is a man who tells you something simple in a confused way, in such a way that you think the confusion is your own fault.”
— Willem Kasteel
“Where people are not having fun, they rarely do good work.”
–David Ogilvy
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, then you have it.”
– Groucho Marx
“I hate losing things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.”
– Anonymously
“Tough times don’t last, but strong teams do.”
—Robert Schuller
“If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
–Betty Reese
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.”
–John Ciardi
“It’s a strange feeling to work with people you consider your colleagues and realize that they are actually young enough to be your children.”
– Alan Alda
“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is when they take a bite out of you.
– Zig Ziglar
“One of the symptoms of an impending nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is extremely important.”
– Bertrand Russel
Short funny work quotes for your coworker, Instagram and letter board
“If you think your boss is stupid, just remember: if he were smarter, you wouldn’t have a job.”
–John Gotti
“Doing nothing is very difficult… you never know when you are done.”
–Leslie Nielsen
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.”
—Douglas Adams
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z keep your mouth shut.”
—Albert Einstein
‘Be like a postage stamp. Stick to something until you get there.”
–Josh Billings
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.”
– Homer Simpson
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
–Woody Allen
“Find a job you like and you’ll add five days to each week.”
– H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
–Phyllis Diller
“I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend than be one.”
– Clarence Darrow
“If you need motivation, think about your paycheck on Friday.”
– Noel Coward
“On this team, we are all united in a common goal: to keep my job.”
– Lou Holtz
“It’s better to have one person with you than three people working for you.”
–Dwight D. Eisenhower
“If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here either.”
–James Johnson
“I like deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
—Douglas Adams
“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you can eventually become the boss and work twelve hours a day.”
—Robert Frost
“Achieving the impossible just means that the boss adds it to your regular tasks.”
–Doug Larson
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.”
—Pablo Picasso
“The difference between ‘try’ and ‘triumph’ is just a little bit of umph!”
– Marvin Phillips
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very limited field.”
– Niels Bohr
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my salary.”
– Unknown
“Hard work has never killed anyone, but why would you take the risk?”
– Edgar Bergen
“There are a huge number of managers who have retired.”
–Peter Drucker
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say that? There is a support group for that. Everyone gets a call and they meet at the bar.
–Drew Carey
“I’m always late to the office, but I compensate for that by leaving early.”
—Charles Lam
“If a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him, ‘From whom?'”
– Don Marquis
“A baseball game is twice as fun if you see it on company time.”
– William C. Feather
“Thursday comes and the week is over.”
—George Herbert
“It’s finally Friday, I’m free again. I revved my engine for a wild weekend.”
—George Jones
“Delegate your work. Stop spending money on penny jobs.”
– Mary Kay Ash
“Teamwork means never having to take all the blame on yourself.”
–Stefan Hawking
“The closest anyone ever comes to perfection is filling out a job application.”
–Stanley J.Randall
Want more fun quotes and motivation for work? Check out these positive workplace quotes, work quotes (motivation to work hard and smart) and this post that is full of useful work ethic quotes. Plus this post with hilarious work quotes and this one about teamwork quotes.