“Don’t expect problems and don’t worry about what may never happen. Stay in the sunlight.”
Benjamin Franklin
“If I don’t train enough, of course I get nervous.”
Haile Gebrselassie
It starts with a little vibration inside. Then a pressure is created.
A hand or foot starts to wobble. Your palms become moist and you start to not feel like yourself anymore.
The inner peace you felt has flown out the window.
The nervousness is back, like an old friend you didn’t want to see.
Just in time for that date you’ve been looking forward to for the past week. Or the important meeting at work or your presentation at school.
So what can you do right now?
Back down, make a bad excuse and cancel (while your self-esteem plummets)?
Plowing through the meeting or date while not being your best self?
It is certainly possible. I’ve done both.
But an even better approach – in my experience – has been finding strategies and developing habits that help me meet this challenge.
Here are 7 of my favorite habits for dealing with and overcoming nervousness.
1. Prepare if possible.
A bit obvious. But if you do your preparation early and not at the last minute, and do the preparation well – without trying to be perfect – rather than slightly sloppily, it makes a big difference.
You will feel more confident and relaxed about what you are about to do.
- If you have an important meeting, do your homework so you know what will or could come up during the meeting.
- If you have a date, maybe try to think of two to three interesting topics/questions to bring up in case the flow of conversation gets stuck.
- When you have a job interview, think about what they might ask you and come up with some good answers.
2. Ask yourself: What’s the worst that could realistically happen?
This question has often helped me calm down and stop building a mountain out of a molehill.
Because the worst thing that happened when I was dating was that I had a slightly awkward date with someone I didn’t have good chemistry with.
It didn’t lead to a second date and sometimes I felt bad for a day or two. And that was about it.
But the sky didn’t fall because it was a bad date. I got up again the next morning and often learned something good from it.
3. Visualize in a positive way.
It’s so easy to get stuck in the usual negative visualizations of how a situation will turn out. And so you get nervous.
Try to take a break from it the next time you have an appointment, party or meeting.
For once, allow yourself to see things in a positive way.
Here’s how to do it:
- Lie down in your bed or sit down somewhere where it is pleasant. Close your eyes.
- See in your mind how wonderfully the situation will unfold – see and hear it – and also how great you will feel during this meeting. See yourself being positive and open and having a great time with a smile on your face. And see in your mind the excellent result you want.
- Then let it go by visualizing that it has already happenedthat the meeting is over with the desired outcome. This is surprisingly effective and will put you in a good, confident and relaxed mood before you even step into that meeting room, classroom or pub.
Try it and see how this exercise works for you. Maybe it will become something you want to keep doing.
4. Slow down and breathe with your stomach.
A few minutes before you step into the situation that makes you nervous, take it easy. Walk more slowly to the meeting place. Move slower.
Even stop for a moment if you want and stand still.
Then breathe through your nose. Breathe a little deeper than normal. Make sure you breathe with your stomach. Not with your chest (a common problem when people get stressed or nervous).
Focus just on your slow inhales and exhales for a minute or two. Only on the air going in and out of your nose.
This will calm you down, make it easier to think normally again, and that singular focus can pull you back to the present moment instead of past failures or future worries.
5. Assume good rapport in social situations.
After calming down and focusing on your breathing, I have another good practice if you’re still feeling a little nervous and find yourself in some social situation.
This one worked especially well for me when I was single and dating. And it’s also very useful right before any other kind of meeting.
It is the habit of establishing good rapport.
This means that right before you meet someone, you pretend and think to yourself that you are meeting one of your best friends.
Then you will naturally enter a much more relaxed, comfortable, confident and enjoyable emotional state and state of mind. In this state of mind, the conversation also flows more naturally, without much thought.
Just like with your friends.
This is one of the very best and most useful social habits I have been adopting for the past ten years or so.
6. Remember: People don’t really think about you and what you do that much.
You may feel like everyone is looking at you, judging and thinking about you a lot. And so you become nervous, worried or hold yourself back in life.
But one sobering realization I’ve had over the years is that people just don’t care that much about what you do.
Just because you think a lot about what you do and say does not mean that others do too.
They have their own plate full of doing the same thing you do: focusing on themselves, on their pets and children, and on their own challenges right now.
This realization can make you feel a little less important. But it also gives you a little more freedom to do what you want to do in life.
7. Tell yourself you’re excited.
Channel the nervous energy into something that will help you.
If you can’t minimize nervousness in some situations by using the tips above, choose a different approach.
When nervousness bubbles up, tell yourself that you are excited about the meeting, presentation, etc.
This helps you change your perspective on what is happening inside you and I have found that it helps me get a boost of enthusiasm and openness for a short time.
So I can go into that meeting with that more helpful mindset and emotional state.
And within a few minutes of the meeting, the excited energy is usually put to good use and I feel more relaxed and centered again.