“Certain defects are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends missed certain quirks.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it.”
Edith Schaeffer
One of the most common challenges people email me about – and one that I’ve had quite a bit of trouble with myself – is perfectionism.
It is a problem that can hold you back in life. Not just by achieving and completing what you want.
But sometimes even from the beginning. At the same time, your self-esteem decreases, self-doubt arises and you end up in a negative spiral in which it can become increasingly difficult to move forward.
So today I’d like to share six things that helped me – and continue to help me to this day – with this destructive and distracting thinking habit.
1. Go for good enough.
The pursuit of perfection usually results in a project or something else never being completed.
So go for good enough.
Don’t use it as an excuse to slack off. But just realize that there is something called good enough and when you get there, you’re done with whatever you’re doing.
So find a balance for yourself where you do good work and don’t slack off, but at the same time don’t get lost in trying to improve and polish something too much.
How do you find that balance? Through trial and error and experience, I found my own balance.
2. Realize that you are hurting yourself and those around you by buying into the myths of perfection.
By watching too many movies, listening to too many songs, and just absorbing what the world tells you, you can very easily be lulled into dreams of perfection.
It sounds so good and beautiful and you want it.
But in real life it clashes with reality and tends to:
- Cause a lot of suffering and stress in yourself and in those around you.
- Harm you or possibly cause you to end relationships, jobs, projects, etc. just because your expectations are out of this world.
I find it very helpful to remind myself of these simple facts.
Whenever I get lost in a perfectionist headspace, I remind myself that it will harm me and my world.
And so it becomes easier to shift my focus and thoughts, because I want to avoid making destructive choices and causing myself and the people closest to me unnecessary pain.
3. Accept that you are human, and so is everyone else.
Set human standards for everyone and accept that this is how life is.
Everything and everyone has flaws and things don’t always go as planned. You can still improve things, but they will never be perfect.
And realize that you will not be rejected if things or you are not perfect.
At least not by reasonably balanced people, as most people actually are.
4. Compare yourself to yourself.
If you regularly compare yourself to other people, you can easily feel inferior. There will always be many people there for you, in every area of life.
So compare yourself to yourself…
- See your improvement and how far you’ve come.
- Look back at what you have overcome.
- Appreciate yourself and focus on what you have done and continue to do, rather than what everyone else is doing.
5. Do what you think is right.
So you realize that perfectionism will harm you and you try to avoid it. But people and media and the society around you influence how you think and feel.
One of the best ways I’ve found to practically reduce that influence is to do the right thing as much as possible.
When you do that, the expectations of others have less and less power over you and you take more control over your life.
Because by doing the right thing, your self-esteem and confidence will increase and other people’s opinions about you and life will become less important to you.
You have become stronger, more confident in who you are and you are not so easily influenced by outside forces.
6. Form an environment of human norms around you.
Emotions are contagious. So is perfectionism.
And while you can reduce the impact of your environment, you can also work on the other side of things.
You can redesign your environment by, for example:
Reducing or eliminating the sources that try to strengthen perfectionism in you.
Take a moment to look at which websites, magazines, podcasts, TV shows and books you spend a lot of time with. See if they have realistic and positive expectations or views about you and life.
And if not, choose to spend more time on the sources that uplift and support you.
Spend less time with nervous perfectionist people.
And more time every week with people who are trying to improve themselves and/or live a good life in a positive, healthy and relaxed way.